A Drift too Many
by PieFilledTears
Summary: Hermann and Newton find that their drift with the Kaiju had left some irreversible damage


Hermann couldn't feel the arm slung around his shoulder. The joy of the collapsed bridge had left moments ago, the adrenaline of the chase drained from his body and replaced it with a hollow darkness. He couldn't feel anything. Something was wrong.

He stumbled through the throngs of people until he made it out the door alone. His hands were shaking; he could hardly grasp his cane as he hobbled down the corridors. His mind was spinning, every equation and rational thought was being driven from his mind in a frenzy of… he couldn't place it. His blood ran cold as the lab came into sight, he knew he would never make it to his quarters.

He made it through the doors as cold sweat broke out on his forehead. He threw his arms forward to support himself against his desk, his cane rattling to the floor.

He forced his eyes shut, his entire body shook with the strain if keeping his mind away from unconsciousness.

"Come on, Hermann," he scolded himself, his hands tightening their hold on the desk. Drops of blood from his nose rhythmically spattered against the floor.

He forced himself to breathe and find the source of his of his breakdown. He hadn't felt this way this morning. Was it the adrenaline? Over stimulation from too much physical activity? No, it couldn't be. It was mental, all mental. As if a black hole had formed in his brain and was slowly consuming the brain matter, leaving him feeling lost and alone and nauseous. Like there was a huge peace of his subconscious missing… The drift. Of course it was the drift!

"Hermann?" his entire body stiffened as he felt Newton enter the room. Had he followed him? Damn him for finding him like this.

"Go away." He hissed through gritted teeth, he couldn't find the energy to face him, his mind slowly losing it's rationality. To not only have Newton in his mind, but to have the entire Kaiju civilization shoved into his brain then forcefully yanked away had left an emptiness that shouldn't have lingered. It couldn't have lingered, this wasn't right.

"Hermann." Newton said more sternly, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Hermann, let me help-"

"Leave me be!" He shouted towards the desk, his entire body trembling, his face tight and his nose streaming blood. "You wouldn't understand" he choked out. He felt so cold, he had always found his own mind interesting enough to sustain a profitable existence, but now, with such knowledge gone… how could he continue? His mind delved farther into itself, grabbing to any last sense of warmth...

"Damn it, Herman, look at me!" Newton yelled, forcefully pulling Herman from the desk and shaking him until he looked up. Hermann forced himself to look and was taken aback. Newt's eye and nose were streaming blood, his pupil was distorted and his entire body shook uncontrollably.

"I feel it too." He gulped, and Hermann finally saw himself reflected in his panicked eyes.

They fell forward into each other, their arm's shaking as the grasped desperately at the other's warmth. Hermann buried his face in Newt's shoulder, his body completely out of his control as it shook to the point where his bad leg nearly gave out. Evrything was spinning, a third of his brain had been scarred beyond repair and he didn't know how he could fix it.

This had not been a normal drift, anything but. Something had gone wrong, horribly wrong, because there should not be any side effects to the drift. He could feel the blood from Newt's nose smear into his shoulder but he couldn't find himself to care. All that mattered to either of them in that moment was to have someone to share this unbelievable pain with. Hermann avoided anything physical, no comfort or pain, but he found it helped. It helped a lot, actually. He forced himself to block off the empty space at the back of his mind, force his thoughts forward, to physical sensations and rationality. Newton's hands gripped so tighly around him he could feel the pulse of his veins, the feel of the sweat dripping down Newton's neck and smearing on his own face.

He felt his body relax into Newt's. His legs finally found a stable hold on the ground and Newt's hand's slowly relaxed on his back. They stayed like that, letting their minds settle into a state of calm. Though Hermann knew it wasn't calm at all, it was like the eye of the storm, a small comfort. Nothing more. But it was nice.

Once he felt Newt's heart rate return to a normal pace he broke the embrace. Newt backed away, his sweaty arms clinging to Hermann's shirt as he pulled away.

"Sorry about your-" Newt motioned to the big bloodstain on his Hermann's shoulder.

"No, no it's okay" Hermann stammered, looking anywhere but at Newton.

They stood there in silence, blood still running down their shirts. It was a tense moment; they had never liked each other. In fact, they had hardly tolerated each other. But now Hermann found him the only one he could find comfort in. He'd really have to think over this later.

"I could really use a drink." Newt sighed, running a hand through his sweat slicked hair.

"That would be nice," He murmured to himself. This had been some hell of a week. Newt stared at him incredulously.

"You? Drink? Didn't think you had it in ya" Newt scoffed, picking up Hermann's cane and not quite letting Hermann get a hold of it.

"Oh please, I could hold my liquor better than you any day" He snapped back, finally grabbing his cane and planting it firmly on the floor for emphasis.

"You're on, gimpy" Newt smirked, throwing on his soaking wet black jacket. Hermann stabbed him in the thigh with his cane and felt a friendly smile spread across his lips as he pulled on his coat to cover the stains on his shirt.

oOo

It had been an interesting night, walking into a bar with blood all over your face. But we had earned it, we had so fucking earned it. Beat the Kaiju, saved the world.

Newton Geiszler was finally a rockstar.

But of course the glory only lasted for one night.

After he and Hermann had gotten back to the base the next morning, they were told they had seven days to clear out their lab and find a place to live because their jobs were obsolete now. He knew it was coming, but it still hurt. He and Hermann walked down the corridors in silence, Newt walking slower to let Hermann keep pace. Last night had been nice, they'd walked in, gotten a few drinks on the house after everyone figured out what they had done (obviously not as many drinks as they would have gotten if they were Jaeger pilots, but he was still pretty damn impressed). He and Hermann had talked about everything, all they could remember about the Kaiju through the drift, what it looked like, and Hermann even delved into how it felt. They had both gotten a different glimpse of the Kaiju mind, kind of like the right and left hemisphere,so they had a lot to learn.

But, of course, most of that information was useless now that they had won. They never do tell you what happens after the battle. One thing that both of them knew was that somewhere the drift had gone wrong. It was as if their essence had been sucked into the drift itself, as if part of them was gone. If the two of them hadn't have been geniuses with a strict control of their brain's function, he doesn't think they would have survived the drift at all. It had been a pretty big shock and he guessed they were running on pure adrenaline after the drift, but it felt unsettling. He had to find out exactly what went wrong.

Three days into cleaning, most of the large items in the lab were gone, his largest specimens had been rolled out (without very much care he might add) probably to go to museums. He kept a few scraps even if their boss had kind of made it illegal to keep any Kaiju substances.

Hermann's black boards had been taken out, along with most of his paperwork. They hadn't spoken much in the past three days. There was nothing left to talk about; they would be going their separate ways in a few days' time anyways. Done with their mutually despised partership. Newt ran both hands over his face and sighed. He was sitting on the floor, leaned up against the wall. They had taken his comfy chair this morning and he thought that was one of the rudest things they could have done, but what do you expect? No one cares about the scientists. He let his head rest back on the wall and closed his eyes. His head still didn't feel right, not quite as brilliant as usual- emptier. A few forced barriers near the back of his mind to keep out the gnawing darkness. He sat there in troubled silence, letting his mind run its own course until he heard something hit the wall above his head.

He slowly opened his eyes to see Hermann standing above him. They stared at each other silently for a moment before he began to carefully pick his way down the wall to sit next to him.

"Wow man you cool-?" He began, wondering if he could even sit down.

"I know what my body can and cannot do" he grumbled back as he sat stiffly next to him, adjusting his legs into a more comfortable position.

There was a pause, "I know what went wrong." Newt admitted. Hermann turned his head slowly towards him and raised an eyebrow.

"Well you see- well it was mostly my fault actually," he stammered. Hermann's face just gave him a look that said 'yes I already knew that go on.'

"Since I had pieced together my own drift machine out of scraps around the lab, well there's the first problem, there was a wire loose on the right hemisphere of both helmets. But, actually, your helmet was a bit more damaged than mine was, hence the larger after effects." He just kept going, becoming more excited with every word, his hands making up their own dialogue as he continued. "But the biggest factor in this equation was the fact that even if _we_ are drift compatible, we were not drift compatible with the Kaiju. Most pilots wouldn't dare get in a Jaeger with someone not drift compatible because it's dangerous for both passengers, and you see, that's why we could only stay in the drift for a maximum of ten seconds, and why it feels like part of our essence was ripped away or just gone completely." He finished, a smile on his face even though he had just explained why they were screwed.

Hermann nodded. Everything made sense, it was obvious. But that wasn't going to fix the emptiness in the back of his mind that seemed to consume his brilliance and twist it into doubt.

"Is there any way to cure the after effects?" He asked and looked at the far wall. Newt paused to think.

"Maybe. Probably not. But possibly a second, more controlled drift could get our minds back in order." Newt sounded so hesitant, but Hermann thought it was the greatest idea he had ever heard. He didn't know if he was delusional, but the thought of drifting again was thrilling.

"I want to do it again" he stated, not moving his eyes from the far wall. He felt Newt turn his head in surprise.

"Seriously?" He nodded. "Give me two hours" then he got up and left, leaving Hermann to find his own way to his feet.

oOo

"Is it safe this time?" Hermann asked hesitantly as Newt strapped on the headset.

"Grabbed this from the junk pile in the main Jaeger wing, so it should be legit" he said a bit too enthusiastically, strapping on the stripped skeleton of a pilot's helmet. He sat down on the ground next to Hermann, their knees bumping together.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

Hermann's mind was sucked backwards through his own memories, seeing himself playing, crying, running, limping. But that was over in a millisecond, then came Newton's memories. His entire body filled with the sensation of someone else being in his mind, so close to him that it was almost euphoric. He had always been alone, always.

Alone in a hospital bed, alone in his advanced classes, alone among his colleagues. But as he went through Newton's memories, some lasting longer than others, he saw Newton as he truly was. Not a rockstar, but a genius, a lonely genius. He saw a younger Newton surrounded by small children, Newt showing them a science trick and them all laughing when fire spurted from the beaker and burnt his eyebrows. He smiled with them, but a rush of pain and humiliation ran through his chest. Next he was with a group of older scientists, college age. He was working frantically, his table was surrounded by people throwing him compliments and praise, but eventually they all left, leaving Newt to pack up his bags on his own.

Hermann felt the warmth inside his chest fade as he watched the younger Newt walk to the bus alone. Hermann had always been alone, but Newton had always been alone too, alone in a crowded room. He never quite fit in no matter how much he entertained others. Suddenly a wave of determination and anger saturated his brain. He felt invigorated as the pain of a needle pierced his skin, ink spreading out over his entire body as he found himself, created himself anew. Hermann clung to that memory. It was so warm, so Newt.

He felt his own memories flying through Newt's brain. Playing planes with his dad, dreaming of becoming a pilot, being stuck in a hospital, his mother crying at his diagnosis, winning his first math award, being beaten in the hallway. But then he reached Hermann's proudest moment, an award for his main Kaiju hypothesis which half of the audience had given him a standing ovation. All he needed was that recognition, a sense of finally belonging.

Then their memories simultaneously caught up to the past year. Yelling at each other, Newt throwing Kaiju remains purposefully over to Hermann's side of the lab, Newton waking up on the lab's couch with a face covered in chalk dust. A mutual hatred. Then something happened. The last few weeks, the stress, the adrenaline, the warmth. Hermann felt Newt's gaze on him in the drift, so warm, a look of admiration. It was almost more than that, and Hermann could feel himself giving it back, knowing he had glanced not so subtly over at Newt's ass while he was working. Hermann's fear when finding Newt on the floor, near dead from his first drift, Newton's concern when he had volunteered to drift with him. Adoration.

Suddenly they were both thrown back into reality, their minds still connected. Hermann was shaking.

He reached out a shaking hand and grasped Newt's forearm. He didn't quite know why, but he could feel it there. A connection, a need, the black space engulfing his consciousness being filled with the life of another. He had never needed anyone, ever, but now with someone there he didn't know what to do. The shaking (from nerves, want, need?) sent waves of concern through the bridge. Hermann turned his head and found Newt was already staring at him, his eyes filled with something he had never truly seen on another human being. A jolt was sent through the drift, causing both of them to flinch.

He knew the feeling now: fullness, completeness, the aftereffects of the previous drift dissolving in the mental bond with someone who was compatible. More than compatible, actually.

Newt leaned towards him, slowly, but not hesitantly, and placed his lips on Hermann's. His body went rigid as a wave of memories made themselves present in the drift and Newt flinched. It showed flashes of Newt's days at university, his desperate need to find attention, to fit in, and his countless one night stands to make his name known. It was actually rather tragic, his lack of a stable relationship with anyone in his life but a striving need for human contact.

Hermann's memories were much quicker and fainter. A forcefully forgotten memory of his first and only real relationship, he was twenty and his boyfriend had been 23. Hermann had been in love, but it had ended over a phone call after the first night they had slept together. A fairly accurate summary of his life.

If Newt had flinched from his own memories or Hermann's... he wasn't sure.

But Newton began to kiss him again, desperately, and Hermann found himself kissing back, threading his fingers through Newt's sweat slicked hair. Newt's hands explored Hermann's back, slowly mapping every crease in his shirt, his hands dragging down to the hem of his pants.

Hermann gasped in automatic panic as Newt's hands pressed themselves under his shirt. This was so unexpected, he was over run with stimulation, it had been so long. Newt pulled back, their foreheads still pressed together, panting into each other's mouths.

Hermann didn't dare open his eyes.

"You okay?" Newt murmured. Hermann just shook his head and mouthed 'yes' as many times as he could fit before Newt crashed his lips into his again, fire spreading through their drift as Hermann took some control of the situation and slipped his tongue through Newt's lips.

Everything was a blur, thoughts and memories were replaced by desire as layers of clothing began piling around them. Hermann found his bare back on the floor as Newt sucked at his neck, forcing moans so desperate he didn't know he could produce them. Hermann's hands mindlessly followed the pattern's of Newt's inked chest as Newt kicked his shoes off.

"Wait" Hermann panted, and Newt stopped moving, leaving his boxers around his knees, his erection protruding quite obviously into the cold air. Hermann licked his lips as he switched off his helmet. The drift had become too much, his own emotions were overwhelming him and having Newt's running through his head was just too much. Newt followed is actions and they both jerked as their minds were thrown from the drift. Hermann threw off his own helmet then reached up to undo Newton's before his pulled his mouth down to his, desperate and messy and Newt fumbled with his boxers until they were both stark naked on the floor of their lab.

Hermann didn't dare break the kiss as he braced himself and reached down and wrapped a hand around Newt's hard cock. Newt let out a moan, his fingers digging into Hermann's sides as he began to pump his hand. Hermann's hand jerked awkwardly, he kept adjusting himself to find a better angle but he was getting frustrated at his own lack of experience.

He felt Newt smile against his lips. Then Newt's finger's brushed against his hand as he wrapped it around both their cocks. Hermann gasped and Newt let out a long moan as he took one long stroke upward, moving both their hands all the way to the tip of their cocks, then back. Newt buried his face in Hermann's neck as he moved his hips forward against his hand, and the friction was so rough and dirty Hermann's other hand locked on Newt's hip desperately.

Newt's hips adjusted in time with Hermann's, both their bodies writhing against the cold floor as their cocks slipped with precome. Newton was loud in his ear, cursing under his breath, his name becoming a dirty chant as his thrusts became erratic, desperate. He grabbed Newt's ass, pushing him forward with every thrust, Newt's hand tightening around their cocks. He opened his eyes as Newt came with a shout, Hermann's name spilling from his lips as his cock emptied onto Hermann's pale stomach. Hermann watched Newt's body tremble above him and with one last thrust he threw his head back as he came with a gasp, thrusting desperately into Newt's fist.

Hermann let himself fall limply on the floor with Newt's heavy weight on top of him. Newt slid off of him, smearing their come down Hermann's side and onto the floor. Gasping breaths filled the silence, their heaving sides sliding against each other.

"Did we really just?" Newt panted, not looking at Hermann. He didn't find regret in his voice, only pure surprise.

He shrugged, "Yes, I think we did." he breathed in response, still trying to process what just happened. Then Newt began to giggle, a really high pitched giggle that bounced off the walls and just filled the room with a giddiness and Hermann felt laughter fall from his own lips.

They laid on the ground laughing like idiots, their backs sticking uncomfortably to the hard ground but neither of them could find the time to care. Then it all stopped, a blanket of silence fell across them and Hermann couldn't find what to say. Well, what do you say to a guy you've said you've hated for as long as you've worked with him, but ended up fucking him senseless on the floor?

"So " Newt began hesitantly, clearing his throat. "You know how we're being kicked out in a few days, four days actually, because you know, we kinda defeated the Kaiju. But now we don't really have a job, and I kind of don't have a place to live after this," He chuckled nervously, "so could I bunk with you for a while?" he choked out. Hermann had never heard him so embarrassed. He smiled warmly.

"Of course you can, Newt." He heard Newton heave a sigh of relief. He found Hermann's hand and intertwined their fingers.

"You were my last choice, of course, you're just gonna end up cramping my style." Hermann could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Oh please, you have no style" he retorted with an exaggerated sigh.

"My style defeated the Kaiju" he threw back.

"You're an idiot" Hermann groaned.

"But now I'm _your_ idiot." His voice was dripping with a triumphant smirk and Hermann dragged a hand down his face and groaned, but he couldn't have been happier.

"Just hand me my pants."


End file.
